Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
