Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
