i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
