Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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