ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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