I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
