I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
