She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
