Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
