Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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