My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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