Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
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I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
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I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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