Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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