Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
