Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
