i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
