u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize