i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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