I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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