guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
