we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
