Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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