This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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