I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
