Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I AM VODKA MAN
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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