oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
