if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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