ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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