Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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