In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
