It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
