If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
