I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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