It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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