worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
