thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize