i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
