you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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