my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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