Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she told me i tasted like america
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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