What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
