I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
