I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
