Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
