Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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