he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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