She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
