need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
