Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Im at strip club and am horny

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(818): View more from California

Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.

(310): View more from California

good choice.

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(519): View more from Ontario

who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line

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(248): View more from Michigan

Either way I should probably pregame on the plane

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(309): View more from Illinois

Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship

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(917): View more from New York City

Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable

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