My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
