She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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