Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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