how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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