i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
