A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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