They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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