My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
