So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
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Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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