How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
