I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize