I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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