I wish I could teleport
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
