i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
