3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
