sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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