Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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