I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
