so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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