I'm going to jail i love you
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
