I've blown a few things in my day
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
