stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
