It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize