You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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