one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
