OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
