what day is it and did you see me today?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
