How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
