C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
