The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
