Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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