I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
