WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
