i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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