Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
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You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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