Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
